Happy Advent!
The time to remember to hope and our perpetual state of waiting and I feel like I have kept the approximate 3 people who read this waiting and my last update wasn't exactly my best work so I'll try it again, and this time with feeling!

It has definitely been awhile... Two weeks ago one of the coordinators of the scholarship program
(Becas) from the States came to get an end of the year report, take pictures and information of certain cases in order to try to find new sponsors for the kids. Since Becas is my primary ministry I spent most of the week taking Charice on home visits and physical therapy sessions to translate for her with the help of Juliette and Lenin, our physical therapist.

At times there were definitely awkward conversations I found myself in, such as asking parents why their special needs child isn't attending certain services, or going to Casa Ayuda (a special needs school in Comayagua). Other awkward translating moments was during the end of the year meeting about the Program of Becas and trying to figure out who met the requirements to continue in the program and how many new children we can afford to support before the beginning of the school year in January. This may not sound awkward but if it were up to me everyone would stay in the program and we could accept 50 new kids, this is why I am not a very business oriented person.

After a lot of meetings, walking to houses, and coffee with parents, Charice had to head back and I hope that the trip was productive from the Stateside perspective! Bringing Charice to the airport was a mini adventure in itself because this was the first time that I have driven outside of Comayagua and into a medium to large size city... oh yeah in Central America. Juliette, Roger, and Aidan said they would come with me on the 6 hour trip there and back. I felt like a real Honduran driver, passing cars and trucks on a 2 lane highway through the mountains, which for me is a feat considering I am usually a timid driver. I'm not going to lie there were a few bad words shouted in English but all in all we arrived there and back, and not without stopping for dinner next to the lake. Carol was disappointed that none of us ordered the fish, the type of fish that is fried whole and when it comes out on your plate it is staring at you. In my defense I was following what the Honduran ordered, and Roger ordered chicken.

The following day was the beginning of our Becas Retreat in the Mountains, so after packing up the trucks, I helped shuttle kids from our neighborhood to the bus station, and then spent another 3 hours in the car going up mountain, until we arrived in Florida. This trip doesn't compare at all to the ones the kids took, 5 hours and between 2 buses, but I paid my dues on the way back. I was never involved in youth group or participated in retreats during high school so I didn't really know what to expect, but from what I hear, high school kids are high school kids. Most of the kids were really engaged, which was moving, and only a handful were not. I told my Mom, "I love them all in groups of 3 but 50 at a time is tough!"

A few from our group went turned against the Gringo volunteers and started to make fun of our Spanish. Me, Aidan, Juliette and Lily all found ourselves defending one another on one couch. Not wanting to let the rule of the mob continue to increase and out of my mere impatience, I began to sass them back saying, "You don't speak perfect Spanish either! You have accents!" I continued sassing until I reached that ultimate point that every parent/teacher/chaperon of teenagers reaches, when you are left with your mouth open and your finger in the air with nothing left to say when Aidan concluded for me dryly in English: "So you can kiss my but." The kids had no idea what he said, but it was exactly what I needed in order to laugh it off... for a good 10 minutes. The kind of laugh that I have when I get close to needing an inhaler. It allowed me to move from the annoyance to being attentive during Fr. Max's talk on Divine Mercy (which was hilarious, way more than it sounds), to being in awe of the kids love and responsiveness in Adoration.

Later that night the girl chaperons were staying with a family at a house, and when we reached the house at 10 pm the house was locked with all of our things inside and no one was there. We walked back to the Church and some of the guy chaperons walked back with us to confirm that we were locked out. I was exhausted and literally in tears, and I felt in accordance with the season that we were in solidarity with the Holy Family with no where to stay. We went back to Padre Max's and he began calling people and offered us what he had to eat: cookies, bananas, and red wine. Eventually we found out that the family went to a party and we got into the house to sleep to wake up very early. The bus trip back was uneventful for the most part, besides the fact that I bought a cup of coffee for 30 cents and that we got a flat tire, and had walk the last mile to our house.

After everything we were able to get some rest and went on a community retreat in Tegucigalpa, at retreat center across the street from the Catholic University of Honduras. For a second I pretended I was at the Dominican House and then took my first warm shower in 3 months. We were well rested and spent last half of our retreat with Sisters who live by Our Lady of Suyapa. The history of the miracle isn't that exciting but the basilica is beautiful and it over looks the city where all of the excitement happened this summer.

Elections came and went peacefully, along with our Thanksgiving dinner. It was a little stressful during the day so it felt like a real family holiday. But don't worry it was delicious! The Hondurans weren't too crazy about our Gringo food but I made a sacrifice and helped out where I could :)

This week we had to do an information intake of all the kids in Becas, what their grades are, how many volunteer hours they need to make up, formation hours and dun dun dun... how they are going to make it all up in the next 3 weeks! Excelente plus! There are not a lot of happy campers around here, especially those who have to make up 50 hours of volunteer work. The bright side of my week has been helping girls find dresses for their first Holy Communion. Literally I'm like Say Yes to the Dress, Honduran style... and for little girls. I found a dress for this chubby little girl because I gave one to her mother and she had to bring it back because it didn't fit. I felt bad because the woman said to me "I told you she was fat!" But when she put the one that fit on, I watched her face as Juliette zipped it up and she looked down at herself so happy to be in the most beautiful thing she has ever worn. It might sound stupid, but I welled up. Ok that's enough.

I'm adding a picture of my very short haircut. It's already growing out so I want to show it at it's peak, in the picture I'm with Dulce a girl in our program who is absolutely amazing! And she didn't make fun of my hair.
I'm also going to add a picture of the Basilica, it's so beautiful!

I'm going to be home so soon, and I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving, thank you for all of your prayers!

Hannah

Just the Little Things

I feel like I have spent more time talking about Martita then anyone else in this blog... Well possibly Yadira. Anyways, the day after she called us all "ugly Indians" she came over to our house for dinner because we were cooking chicken. She is very good at remembering what is convenient for her to remember! I asked her when she came to our door if she remembered calling me an ugly Indian and she said "No you are very beautiful but Padre said it," she has a lot of stories she likes to tell.
When she came for supper she was really sick, if she goes next I don't know what I would do! We made her take her medicine and she started to cry and say how gross it is. She literally is like a child because we had to offer her a lollipop in order to get her to take her medicine. Some people don't have patience for her because she tells a lot tall tales and sometimes steals things, but she literally cracks me up! After dinner, I went to drop her off at her house with Juliette and it was literally terrifying because it was pitch black in her house and I couldn't see anything I could only hear the sound of her feet shuffling across the floor and then rustling in the corner. It was like it was out of a scary movie. The rustling in the corner was actually her puppy in a box that she found in the street and named juguete which means toy. I thought it was a rat, then we nearly ran out of the house because we were so scared to be there alone.
Other than our dinner date with Martita, I went visiting houses with Yadira to give permission slips for the Becas Retreat next week and then I guess the only other news was I got really sick on Wednesday and could barely get out of bed all day. I think I jinxed myself saying I have a really strong stomach and I how I haven't gotten sick yet, and we have had people in the house with a lot of whacky illness: typhoid, salmonella, scabies, and lice, and I managed to go unscathed for how many months? I guess it was time to pay my dues. I was literally running back and forth from my bed to the bathroom and I just thought of one day last summer I was really upset because I had gained 10 pounds that year and my Dad saying to me "My mother always said you need an extra 10 pounds just in case you get sick." I finally understood the significance of that statement.
Every Thursday I run the library in the afternoon and have a group of girls who come, we read and take turns reading aloud and practicing how to sound out the words. This week, only 2 girls came, Evelyn and Amada Guadalupe, so we were playing with a book of puzzles that had stories of the New Testament depicted. We were putting together a puzzle of the Last Supper and I was asking them questions about the picture. When I asked "Who was with Jesus?" I expected them to say "His friends," which is true but they started listing the Apostles, "Pedro, y Juan, y Santiago, etc." They are 5 years old and they can name more Apostles than I can! Haha! Then they told me that Mary, Mary Magdalene, and "Las Monjitas," the little nuns were at the cross. They are literally so cute I love being with them every Thursday which makes me think a lot about teaching and maybe to younger kids than I expected to.

Love and miss always,

Hannah

Todo dia, Cada dia

"It was only matter of time until one of us got a bad haircut," said Aidan after seeing my hair...
I mean, it is pretty funny when I think about how nerve wracking it is to get a haircut in the States never mind when you're communicating in a second language, and for the record my hair isn't that bad just a little shorter than I would have liked, and for 2 dollars I'll take it!

Other then my haircut experience, it has been pretty quiet in the house since a lot of the volunteers went to help the Pan de Vida retreat with the Friars in Nicaragua. In the meantime we had been given a task list, and mine had a lot to do with planning the retreat for the kids in our Scholarship program which I'm really excited about.

In the middle of the planning and meetings, a little boy named Cristian died in our neighborhood. I know that Juliette probably already talked about it but it I'll repeat a little bit. He was a sweet little boy with Down Syndrome who's older sister Milagro is in our scholarship program. I went to her house last week to visit her and Cristian was there, running around, playing and hiding from me and I kept calling him guapo (handsome) as he became increasingly embarrassed. When the house was called I kept hoping that it wasn't the same Cristian. We went to buy food for the family, a shopping list that I feel like we know a little too well now and went to the house and prayed with the family but the person I really wanted to check on was Milagro and she wasn't there. Later we walked over again with Brother Dismus and Milagro was there and I hugged her and she wouldn't let go. Her eyes were swollen, and I literally couldn't imagine being at my brother's wake for 12 hours. At every death, the neighborhood literally storms heaven with prayers and people are in the house all day but it's such a long day for the family. I told her that the day was almost over and that I'm here for her. I just wanted to be with her all night. They had taken Cristian to the hospital the day before to be treated for Dengue Fever and that night he passed away. It is really obvious here how fast life changes and the only consolation I had was knowing that Cristian is no where other then heaven. Milagro didn't come today to our weekly meeting for the volunteer hours for Becas, I didn't expect her to be, but please pray for her family!

Today with the kids in Becas we tried to go to Martita's house to clean to complete their volunteer hours, but she was in a bad mood, wouldn't let us in and called us ugly Indians. I don't know what that means, but there are pictures of Martita on my facebook and a video, when she is sweet she's really sweet but when she's in a bad mood it's ugly. So instead we went further into the neighborhood to this old man's house that I never visited before. He lives by himself, his wife passed away from AIDS, and the poor thing doesn't know how to take care of himself. It was in his house that I became completely in awe of Yadira how she did so much with so little in this man's house. I was laughing so hard because she was asking him questions like: "Why are you cooking in the room you sleep?! There are more rooms," or "Why don't you have any food?" and was really taking the time to try and teach him. Giggly I told her I liked the way she corrected him and she simply said "It's not right." She sent one of the kids to buy a little food and quickly constructed a little stove out of an old street sign and cinder blocks and started a fire to start cooking with. Seeing all the kids in his house trying to help him the old man started to try and weed his yard. He said to me proudly it's "limpita" now, or a little clean, and then Yadira told him again to wash his hands before he eats. After he washed his hands again he started to weed again and Yadira yelled "Why are you touching the dirt again? Wash your hands!" The man laughed at himself, because you could tell from the way Yadira was talking to him that it was out of love.
I look up to her so much...

Ok I have rambled enough,

Con Amor...

Our Family Staycation

This week we had a staycation but not really between myself, Aidan, Juliette and Roger, because everyone else was either in Nicaragua, the mountains, or Tegucigalpa for a conference. It was funny when we had mass in the house, doing all of the mass in Spanish when Roger was very outnumbered by gringos. It was good to be together and for the most part it was relaxing when we were in the house. However our staycation turned into a really intense time of ministry for us because a girl from our barrio died from cancer Wednesday morning. She was 19 years old and has two kids.

Her mother and her best friend came to our house Wednesday afternoon and all of a sudden they were in our entrance with us, and crying with us as Julia the mother was telling us about the last moments of her daughter's short life. She had so much faith in God and it was such a beautiful witness as she talked about the moment she said "it is God's will not my will" as she let her daughter go. Even though they didn't know who we were, all they wanted was a quiet and safe place to mourn, even if it was just for an hour. After we walked back to her house and from there took a taxi to buy groceries for the family.

Later we went back to the house and there were many neighbors in the living room in front of the body. The way people do a wake here is the body is laid in the home and an altar is made around it, and there is glass covering the open part of the coffin so you can see the person's face kind of similar to Snow White. It was really hard to watch people just peeking at the body as if they were looking into a fish tank. At times it felt like people were coming out of curiosity rather than to give their respects to the family. We just stayed with Julia, who was no longer crying but her breathing had naturally turned into sobbing, and when she asked us to pray, we prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet with the family and it was beautiful how prayer fullness spread, suddenly it felt more peaceful and reverent and less like an open house. Please pray for the family!

Earlier in the week I had gone on house visits with Yadira and Juliette and one of the girls from the Sponsorship program Claudia tagged along with us. I really like Claudia, she is 14 years old and one of the girls who taught me how to eat an orange with salt. I'm going to add a picture, she's really beautiful. These oranges are no Florida Oranges, they are literally so acidic that when you eat them your mouth goes numb, unless you use salt. So apparently when you have an orange that you have cut open into fourths you take the salt, rub it into a part of the orange with your fingers and pull that part out and eat it. It is the messiest way possible to eat fruit I'm convinced... Anyway, Claudia came back to the house yesterday because I was suppose to open our storage locker in Casa Guadalupe and find a donated dress for her confirmation. I spent the whole morning with her, pulling out dresses, giving her stuff she needed like a toothbrush and a t-shirt, making her breakfast and talking with her. By 11:30 I was exhausted and she was still asking me a million questions about what I was doing this weekend so we could play soccer together when she said "Can I ask you a favor?" I jokingly responded: "What else do you need this is like Christmas for you!" Then she asked me for feminine products and she was so embarrassed! It was really cute. She whispered really loudly "Don't tell the muchachos!" She hadn't got her period in a long time because of malnutrition, her family lives in the poorest part of our neighborhood. I couldn't find anything in storage so I brought her back to the house and gave her a small package of my own, which was really funny because when Juliette and I received the package from Kara yesterday it was stuffed with tampons and pads. I just laughed and said what you give is returned tenfold.

Thank you for all of the people who put notes and goodies in for us, it means a lot especially when I tend to feel really disconnected from my friends and my family!

Love and Miss,

Ana

Yo No Se

I really don't know if anyone is enjoying this at all and sometimes I feel like I'm not saying anything that interesting just thoughts and feelings and randomness. One of the things that I have picked up while being in Honduras is when you don't know something, you put your hands up to your shoulders and make a "I have no idea" face. The more dramatically you do it the more you communicate to people that you literally have no idea. It's the equivalent to our shrug, and right now I am making this very useful "I have no idea" motion, and if one person finds the slightest enjoyment then I'll keep talking.

First, this week was the coldest week we've had here, literally cold showers were painful, and we spent the whole week in sweatshirts, jeans and drinking coffee. Buuuuut.... I loved every second of it. It reminded me that oh wait a minute it's October and that I should be wearing pants and sweatshirts all of the time and going to DC for homecoming. That turned into me being homesick a little bit so a call from the family would be great anytime (hint).

I also spent my week still translating letters for the sponsors in the states. We finally finished them and it's not that I don't find them meaningful because they are really beautiful and I know it's important to communicate with the sponsors especially when the letters contain prayer intentions... but frankly it's boring and now I know that my vocation has nothing to do with data input.

I tend to enjoy the things that are unplanned and not a part of my schedule the most. For instance, a few of us went to the Missionaries of Charity and drove their minibus filled with seven HIV positive kids under the age of seven, and went to Pollo Campero for dinner. It was literally the most fun I've had in a long time and I wanted to adopt everyone of them. I watched the cutest 3 year old drink about a half a liter of Coke and then dropped him off with the sisters. Bueno Suerte Hermana! It's really beautiful to see that even though they are religious and don't have a family in a traditional way, they still very much are mothers to these children who many of them have already lost their parents to AIDS.

There are things here that I have been able to get use to: ants being everywhere, the very very salty cheese, drinking incredible coffee all of the time, sipping Coca Cola like its a fine wine, and the fact that I'm beginning to make friends. Yadira, the young woman I work with for our Sponsorship program has become a good friend here, wants go get tres leches with me and eat loco elote with me. The latter I'm not excited about, a Central American favorite at fairs in the way that we love our Funnel Cake that consists of Corn on the Cob, deep fried, with mayonnaise on top and sugar. No thanks. I'm getting use to the Honduran accent, which people slur words together and don't pronounce the "s," with the kids in the sponsorship program I end up saying to them a lot "You're eating your letters!" The Spanish way of saying you're dropping letters.

There are also things here that I have yet to get use to and I don't think I will anytime soon. One, people calling other people gordita, it's okay if you call someone a little fat, if you say gorda it's another story, but I've heard people call girls who are about my size gorditas and so I'm just waiting for the day to come. Secondly, racism is so common here, and I think it's so shocking to me because I grew up in such a diverse area that in schools multiculturalism is something that is celebrated, and it's deeply understood that racism is not okay. Furthermore I can't understand the racism between other Central Americans, when I can't tell the difference between Hondurans, Guatemalans, El Salvadorans etc... Sometimes with accents I can but other than that no. As for me, I get enough assumptions being a very fair, typical looking Gringa. Everyday I walk out of my house I have to prove myself because many people who look at me assume I can't speak. Also when guys call out to me, it's always in English, I always know when they're talking to me haha! I usually joke to whoever I'm walking with and say that we must have a lot of bilinguals in our neighborhood.

Ok more to come later, I wrote half of this last weekend so a lot has happened since but I don't want it to be obnoxiously long,

United in Prayer,

Hannah

Love is Enough

After a long and challenging week emotionally and spiritually, Carol our director said I should probably take a personal retreat pronto. So Friday I packed up food, snacks and books and went to the empty apartment in San Benito, the free clinic run by the CFR's, where I'd be staying next to a small chapel. Carmen a nurse we know from the neighborhood excitedly told me just as I was getting nervous about the heat and the cockroach that I had seen in the bathroom that she was going to be taking her vacation there November 3rd. So I figured that if this is someone's idea of a vacation get away I can stay here for 2 days.

Since the words silent retreat don't exactly get me excited, the first thing I did was check if the TV and VCR work: negative. I think God was trying to tell me something and naturally my response to him was simply, "Well I brought the Sound of Music and Sister Act 2, I thought they count as retreat worthy." Instead of being scared that approximately 5 hours of my retreat I had planned were now cut, what I found is that a silent retreat for me meant being in a tank top all weekend (not allowed), praying, dancing to Carrie Underwood by myself, writing, eating only the cookie parts out of cookie and cream ice cream (a skill that comes from discipline), and reading Flannery O'Connor's short stories. At times I didn't know whether I was on retreat in Honduras or at home in Brockton when there isn't a car in the driveway for me to take.

Something I enjoyed so much this week and finished during my retreat was What it Means to be a Christian by Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI. I was suppose to read it last year for Fr. Regis' class, and lo siento Fr. Regis! It's a beautiful and powerful book so please keep it on your syllabus, just tell your students to actually read it not like one of your former students with a Boston accent. Anyone who is struggling with faith of any Christian denomination should read this book. Joseph Ratzinger shakes away all of the complications that we tend to clutter around the words faith and religion, and says in reference to the parable of the Last Judgment that God "is not asking about a confession of dogma, solely about love. That is enough, and it saves a man. Whoever loves is a Christian."

Reading this and praying about this has helped me so much when I'm faced with my own helplessness when I can't see results and struggle with why I am here in the first place. I'm not a nurse who can record how many people she stitched up. I'm not a social worker who can see how many families received services because of her actions, but this week I held children who are HIV positive and didn't cringe. I walked into a woman's two room house whose son has cerebral palsy and didn't look shocked or down at her but with honesty looked up to her. She lives day by day, sleeps in the same room with her 3 kids and when she has to leave she carries her 5 year old Sergio because she can't afford a wheel chair. Who couldn't look up to her?

This past week I've honestly learned how sip on a glass of cold Coca Cola like it is a fine wine. I've been shown over and over again what loving simply is. When I went to someone's house the woman told her daughter to get Coke and glasses and when she came back with plastic she sent her back for her nice ones. The 3 rooms in her house are separated by ply wood but she still with love offered us her best. When she was talking about a difficult situation she laughed and said "I live near the church and the hospital I'm doing just fine."

I'm starting to feel that all I say in emails and in blog post is a litany of non sequitors, but I hope it has some value. I really wish I could read the day to day activities of anyone reading this so I don't feel so far away, but I hope in this way you feel closer to me...

Love and prayers,

Hannah .... or
Ana
Ana Maria
Gringita Bonita,
Anita
Fresa (preppy)

Up and Down

This week I really started working, which was a real blessing because at the same time that I felt exhausted and could write a list of things I did, I felt useless. I think that its a good reminder that I'm not here with the goal of fixing anything or anyone, but just to share and to learn...

First we had a bake off in our kitchen for the Transitus of St. Francis, so we baked for every Franciscan order in our area: the OFMs, the CFRs, the Poor Clares, and the Franciscan sisters. It was crazy but its their feast day and they were really appreciative. But I went with Juliette and two guys to the OFMs and gave a cake to literally the most socially awkward group of seminarians, but I think they were just nervous to be around girls haha! Roger one of the volunteers told us that we were temptacions jokingly. I retold the story to the Padre Juan Diego CFR and later he retold it to two friars making fun of me in a valley girl voice it was literally hilarious. All of the friars are really funny and sociable, I hope to form really good friendships with them.

One of the things I had to do this week was start to translate a mountain of letters that kids in the Becas program wrote to their benefactores but I was literally so touched by it. Over and over again I read how grateful they were to be given the opportunity to afford to go to school and how much it helps their families. While I was translating in the library I had four little visiters that we read stories with and they told me a little bit about their families and the stories they have are truly amazing. One of the conversations I have over and over again is how so many kids just want to go to the States. I'll ask kids what they want to be when they grow up and they say "To be in the States," and over and over again I say how we have our problems too! Its not a solution because Honduras doesn't need more people leaving, they need really strong young people.

One of the best things has been to be able to form real friendships with people here. Its so incredible how open people have been and especially when I was feeling homesick about not being home for Jackies wedding. This week we had a going away party for Cecelia one of my house mates and it was really incredible how close I feel with everyone only after 4 weeks. And to prepare for the party, I have been learning how to cook a ton of stuff which is all incredibly unhealthy for you like fried chicken haha! My old health conscious self has officially died as I leave to eat tres leches cake. But Im praying for everyone from here especially this weekend! I miss you all and Mary will have no trouble bringing the party without me!

Love, prayers, and wishing I were in MA,

Hannah

Here we gooooo.....

Cue the BSB theme music...

Just kidding welll.... Ive almost been in Central America for two months, and so far Honduras for two weeks. Its funny because just as soon as I think I'm getting comfortable with something I have a new challenge, or a awful moment with Spanish. In other words there are the moments I'm loving it and then there are the moments I'd rather be booking a flight to Logan Airport then trying to figure out how to use which perfect tense. But I really feel confident that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Since I've been in Honduras I have...
Driven a pick up truck (Thanks to our Condon Jeep training)
Washed all of my clothes by hand.
Eaten rice and beans a lot.
... not been sick, knock on wood.
Drank a lot of amazing coffee.
Help run a retreat for over 100 young people.
Seen a pig killed... and had the best pork I've tasted after.
Cried. No mucho pero un poco.
Began to see what I don't want to see.
Been given a list of tasks and responsibilities that I'm going to have to take one day at a time.
Been shown love by people I've only just met.

I want to thank everyone who donated to the Mission with money and prayers, because the money you donated doesn't only go to the cost of living here, but we depend on donations for some of our programming as well. We run fellowship groups for women, a sponsorship program for over 70 kids that have basic costs in order to go to school that your donations helped pay so thank you thank you thank you! And expect a Christmas Card for me in December!

I hope to write consistently and please keep me in your prayers!
The first of many ... :)